Stop Waiting for "Big Events" to Change Your Life

I've made a lot of big changes in the last three years.

I bought a house with my boyfriend. We got engaged, then married. I quit a really great job to work for myself. My husband and I decided to have a baby (arriving July-ish).

I feel like I'm finally honing in on happiness.

But you know what? While my happiness is related to my Big Life Changes, it's not just the house or the marriage or the job or the baby that are making me happy. It's more that these things granted me an "excuse" to make changes I've thought about for years.

Let's look at quitting my job.

When I left my full-time gig a year and a half ago, my reasoning was pretty straightforward. I wanted to build a freelance writing career, and planned on having a family in the near future. Hence, I craved some non-pregnant/non-baby time to establish myself. Plus, I had more financial stability now that my finances, insurance and life were officially intertwined with my husband's. This is what I presented to my then-boss, who totally understood.

Marriage, baby, financial stability and wanting to freelance played into my decision to leave...

However, it's not the full story.

I loved my colleagues, many of my daily tasks, and the ability to work in an industry I adore (food and travel). But at a certain point, I felt that I spent my days juggling a million projects, never having a moment to breathe or think or even reflect on whether or not I was doing a good job.

It was really stressful and emotionally draining.

The ramifications of a stressful job stretched waaaay beyond the office. I was constantly crabby and tired (and yet, I had a hard time falling asleep at night). I spent years complaining to my significant other about my day-to-day... so much so that during our pre-marital counseling, I learned that one of my partner's biggest frustrations in our relationship was my daily post-work word vomit session.

Clearly, things needed to change.

And even though I knew that, I waited to quit until I had an excuse I felt other people would understand. I felt I needed to blame Something Big And Important because I felt my own happiness and well-being wasn't enough.

Silly, isn't it?

My career isn't the only place I've done this.

Most recently, I've used my unborn baby as an excuse to say no to things I wouldn't have wanted to do even if I wasn't pregnant. I've leaned on this baby as my reasoning for letting go or reevaluating relationships that have been stressing me out for years.

Guess what?

You never, ever have to spend time with someone who doesn't respect you, or treats you poorly or just stresses you out with their constant complaining and negative attitude-- no matter how long you've known them, or how much history you have! It's been easy for me to blame my reclusiveness on pregnancy (which BTW, is legitimately exhausting)... but sometimes that's just a convenient excuse. I wish I'd felt that my own happiness was reason enough to set boundaries and makes changes that ultimately led to my own happiness.

Do yourself a favor.

Don't wait until you get married or have a baby to grow the balls to change your life.

Don't wait until someone you care about gets ill to finally leave an unfulfilling job.

Don't wait until there's a "good enough" excuse to stop volunteering for something you don't really care about (or simply don't have time for). Hell, don't wait until there's a "good enough" excuse to START volunteering!

You don't need to wait until your decision makes sense to other people. Decisions made on behalf of your own sanity and happiness is reason enough. After all, it's you that actually has to live your life every single day. So why not make it awesome?

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Should You Consider Fostering a Dog?

A few things you should think about before fostering a dog. For example, could you even resist those eyes?

A little over a year ago, we took in our first foster dog.

I'm a huge animal lover, and if you follow me on Instagram, you know our Mexican street dog, Patsy, is my constant companion. Fostering seemed like a nice to pay it forward: taking in someone else's future four-legged bestie until they finally found each other.

My dog, Patsy, two days after we adopted her.

Of course, fostering wasn't completely selfless.

By fostering, I figured I could get that lovely puppy endorphin rush without having to actually talk my husband into getting another "forever" dog. Plus, fostering perfectly fit into my original Hey Eleanor premise: Doing one thing every day that scares me. Fostering a puppy, then eventually letting them go seemed particularly challenging. (newsflash: it was!)

We've currently fostered nine dogs in some capacity. There's been lots of laughs, lots of tears, and lots of doggy messes to clean up, but in general, I've enjoyed the experience.

Before I get into what we've learned, you probably want to know what fostering entails. Allow me to elaborate.

How Fostering a Dog Works

I'm sure it's different with every organization, but here's how it worked with Pet Project Rescue:

We applied to become fosters, and met with one of their volunteers. They checked out our house (and us) to make sure we weren't serial killers.
Once approved, we were added to their foster database. If a dog needs a foster home, the network is alerted (via Facebook or email). Fosters reply if they're interested. You get full control of what dog gets placed in your home.
As a foster, you'll take care of your foster dog's daily needs, plus bring them to vet appointments, adoption events and photoshoots ('cause good photography always helps!).
After screening by the rescue, potential adopters are put in contact with you to do a meet and greet-- where you introduce the dog to them either in your home or a neutral setting. If they seem like a good fit (you help decide), someone from the rescue visits them at home to go over adoption stuff.
Once the adoption has been processed, you set up a time to hand off the dog. Sometimes you cry.

Sounds easy enough, right? Well, sorta. Here's what we've learned over our last year of fostering.

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1. Before you start, get real with your intentions.

Are you thinking fostering is a good way to dip your toe into the doggie adoption pool? You know, as a way to test out a few dogs before really committing to one?

I've got one word for you: Congratulations! You'll likely keep the first one that comes into your home.

Freddy, the bassador. Half basset hound, half lab. All love.

Attachment is real, and even the dogs you don't think you'll fall in love with grow on you. However, this is a great way to end up with a dog that you adore, but maybe is not the best fit. Which is why this second lesson is clutch...

2. Prior to fostering, write down what you actually want in a dog.

Once a dog is living with you, your emotional attachment might override practicality.

For example, maybe you're looking for a running buddy, but your foster can't keep up after a quarter mile. Or maybe you have tons of small nieces and nephews, but your foster doesn't really dig kids. Does a 90lb lab really make sense in your teeny one-bedroom apartment?

Write down exactly what kind of dog would fit into your lifestyle before your foster arrives. On days where it seems impossible to give them up, re-read that list. Do they truly fit what you're looking for? If not, consider letting someone else adopt them-- they will be the perfect companion for someone.

3. The Truth About Puppies.

Puppies are sosososo cute and fun to have around.

They learn quickly, and watching them progress can be incredibly gratifying. However, they have more accidents, whine at night (sometimes all night), need to go outside constantly and are more apt to destroy things in your home. It's exhausting.

On the plus side, they tend to be adopted more quickly (<<< this may not always feel like a "plus" to you). And did I mention they're sososo adorable?

Adult dogs may not give you that same ohmaigahdsocayooot visceral reaction, but they're often easier.

They typically don't have accidents and don't require constant attention. After fostering a puppy, an adult dog feels like coasting your beach cruiser down a hillside on a breezy summer's day. That said, adult dogs often take longer to find forever homes, but not always.

4. Fostering is free... kinda.

In most cases, the rescue will provide you with food, gear (like a leash and collar), a crate and possibly a toy or some treats. They also cover vetting and medication.

Things you pay for: gas/mileage to and from events or appointments, poop bags, some treats and toys. I've also been known to pay for new dog food when my foster's isn't agreeing with them. I don't have to do this, but sometimes I'm compelled to (read: fixing terrible farts). There's also the cost of destroyed socks, shoes and rugs. It happens.

If you go into this thinking you ought to be reimbursed for everything, you'll drive yourself and the rescue organization crazy. Know that fostering will cost you some money (and a few pairs of socks), so save your receipts and write it off come tax time.

5. It might take longer for your foster dog to find a home than you think.

The shortest we ever had a foster was three weeks. The longest was three months. I know some people who've fostered the same dog for nearly a year. For whatever reason, it's easier to find homes for some dogs than others (yes, even totally amazing perfect dogs may have a hard time finding a forever home!).

Even if there's lots of interest in your dog, setting up meet and greets etc. can take longer than expected. It's just what happens when busy adults try to get anything done.

7. You don't necessarily have to sign up for a long-term foster.

Does the idea of fostering for a few days appeal to you... but months seems too long? Great news-- there's a need for people like you!

If a permanent foster needs to travel for work or has, say, a wedding over a weekend, they need to find a temporary home for their pup. That's where you come in. Rescues are constantly needing temp fosters to watch a dog for a few days.

Heck, I once watched this tripod for eight hours and it was delightful.

If you're interested in temp fostering (or escorting an out-of-town dog, like we did here), contact a local rescue.

8. Just smile politely when your friends say they want to adopt your dog.

Whether it's on Facebook, Instagram or in real life, everyone will tell you how cute Sparky is, how they've been thinking about getting a dog for awhile, and that they're finally ready to commit and can they just come meet the dog already?

I've had dozens of people I know meet my foster dogs, and only one ever did. So even if someone seems "super serious" and "really interested," let them meet the dog, but keep expectations low.

Don't hold their lack of follow through against them. Adopting a dog is a big commitment. Most people have the best of intentions, but reality is a little too, well... real.

9. You'll like some dogs more than others.

I'd love to say I've enjoyed all our fosters equally, but that's a lie. Some have totally captured my heart, while others have had some annoying habits-- like constantly trying to lick my face or crying every time we left, for hours at a time (the neighbors told us... embarrassing!). There's only been one dog I really didn't like, and that's because she and Patsy didn't get along. Luckily, we only were temp fostering her for a weekend.

10. If it's not working out, say something.

Some dogs just won't work with your home. Maybe they're too needy or aren't getting along with your own pets. That happens, and when it does, there's no shame in finding them a new foster family. Your rescue would rather see the dog in the right environment, and you with the right foster dog.

11. It's really hard to give up a dog you love.

I nearly threw up when I opened an email stating not one BUT THREE people submitted applications for our first foster dog, Warren. I loved this pooch so much and wasn't ready to give him up.

What made it worse was that both Warren and I really didn't connect with the first two applicants we met. I panicked... would anyone seem like a good fit for this special guy? Would I really be able to give him up? Was I being selfish? HOW DO PEOPLE DO THIS WITH ACTUAL HUMAN BABIES?!

12. It's also very rewarding.

Luckily, Warren fell head over heels in love with the third applicant. It was weird-- he'd been shy and aloof with the previous two people, but played with and smooched the third.

When you know, you know.

I cried the day his adoption was finalized (like, a lot), but I know it was the right decision. I keep in touch with Warren's new mom to this day. She even sends me photos of the little guy. In fact, one of my stipulations for adopters is that we become friends on Facebook or Instagram so I can see their pup. It's lovely.

There are three dogs I've shed serious tears over, but it does get easier every time. And I always have to remind myself that someone once gave up my dog precious pup. I'm thankful for that every day!

13. Foster failing is okay.

By opening your home to a rescue animal, you run the risk of keeping them-- even if they don't make sense with your lifestyle or they weren't exactly what you thought you wanted. As they say, you can't help who you fall for. It's true with other humans, and it's true with dogs, too.

We haven't foster-failed yet, but we were realllllly close with this one. Luckily, one of my besties adopted him and I still get to see him every day.

Charlie-- the closet we got to a foster fail.

* * *

Think you might want to give fostering a try? Contact a local rescue and find out if it's the right fit for you. Fostering is a crucial aspect of animal rescue, and even if it's difficult at times, it's incredibly rewarding.

Have insight, questions or advice about fostering? That's what the comments are for ;)

We foster through Pet Project Rescue, who is always accepting new fosters as well as donations.

And since we're on the fostering topic, here's what it's like to foster a baby (!!!).

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Thinking about fostering a dog? Here's everything you need to know.

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This Week's Best Stuff on the Internet

Harmar Superstar can do no wrong. He's got the voice of an angel, Magic Mike dance moves and the body of a Greek adonis. Bonus: he filmed his most recent music video at Grumpy's Northeast. Definitely in the the top 10 Minneapolis dive bars. Enjoy the dancing (sex).

More proof that sugar is a drug and slowly killing us (I write this as I eat a chocolate chip cookie at 7:47am on a Saturday).

Love this post from Nora, who quit living her NYC "dream" and moved back to Minneapolis. Guess what? It was the best decision she ever made. I used to feel like a loser for not moving to New York or Chicago like I thought I would (should?). The reason? I ended up getting a way better, more awesome job in Minneapolis-- the kind of thing I never would've found in NYC. No regrets.

Have you heard about Speechless with Carly Fleischmann? Well you have now. Check out this interview with Channing Tatum and prepare for a full on heart meltdown (in a good way).

Still so many great articles coming out about Prince, including this gem: Prince wrote about women in a way most other contemporary male artist still can't.

James Cordon and Alanis redid "Ironic" and it's almost better than the original. Almost.

Like podcasts (or think you might like to start listening to podcasts)? Here's 23 you should check out.

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23 Podcasts You Should Be Listening To Right Now

I love podcasts.

They enhance dog walks and fuel long drives, all while allowing me to learn new things. It's a more passive way to challenge your comfort zone, and these days, I am digging that.

Most people have heard of This American Life, Radiolab and Serial (if you haven't, I will not judge you). Last week, I reached out to a handful of my most in-the-know friends about their favorite shows. This group of people are diverse in their interests: I got suggestions for entrepreneurs, music nerds, parents, conservatives and liberals, outdoorsy types and more.

In fact, I ended up with so many suggestions that I am splitting this up into at least two posts. If you're looking for a new podcast or two, maybe one of these will strike your fancy.

*And a note on podcast etiquette*
Take the time to rate and review the podcasts that you really enjoy. That's what boosts them in the rankings and helps interested people discover new shows.

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So, you think you're an entrepreneur?

Start Up
All about what it really takes to build a company from scratch.

The #askgaryvee Show
My friend Rebecca claims "as an entrepreneur, you’re dumb if you’re not listening to him." I know Gary Vee can be a polarizing guy-- listen for 10 minutes and you'll know if you're in the love him or hate him camp.

Being Boss
This one focuses on the hurdles (and best practices) of running your own biz, especially if you're in the creative or online space. I am a regular listener and I feel some shows are more helpful than others, but regardless, if you're doing your own thing, the topics will definitely resonate.

Alec Baldwin: Not Just Another Baldwin Brother

Here's the Thing with Alec Baldwin
Just about everyone I spoke to said they're listening to Here's the Thing. The gist: Baldwin interviews celebs about how they "made it." I listened to the Molly Ringwald and Mickey Rourke episodes and am hooked! Baldwin is a pretty good interviewer-- he doesn't talk too much about himself, which is a feat for any person, let alone a major star.

WTF with Marc Maron
In the same vein (but has nothing to do with the Baldwins), this super-de-duper popular show does great in-depth celebrity interviews.

A Behind the Scenes Look At...

Song Exploder
Each 10-15 minute episode features a musician or composer breaking down their music to its bare bones. Finding out how a song starts out as a very simple idea and turns into a layered construction is very intriguing. My music nerd buddy Jordan says, "It makes me appreciate the song/musician more, also I can find out about artist I haven't heard before."

Meet the Filmmaker
Stories from the onscreen stars as well as filmmaking wisdom from a diverse selection of writers, directors, and producers. My brother, who works in the biz, is all about this one.

If you Like Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me

Ask Me Another
According to two of my very smarty pants, interesting friends, Ask Me Another is like WWDTM's cooler, younger sibling.

Because I've Heard Parenting is Hard

The Longest Shortest Time
The parenting show for for everyone, hosted by This American Life contributor and author Hillary Frank. As my friend Rebecca says, "I don’t know a mom who doesn’t listen."

One Bad Mother
Non-judgmental parenting? It exists! And it can be funny! One Bad Mother is a comedy podcast hosted by Biz Ellis and Theresa Thorn about motherhood and how unnatural it sometimes is. We aren't all magical vessels! They talk about the thrills and embarrassments of motherhood and strive for less judging and more laughing.

The Pratfalls Podcast
Comedian & dad Levi Weinhagen interviews people who make cool stuff (and many are also parents).

Things from When We Were Kids

The Mortified Podcast
You know when you re-read anything you wrote as an angsty teen and it makes you cringe? Whelp, there is a whole show about that, and it's hilarious. Adults read from their childhood diaries in front of an audience of strangers. The stories are hilarious, relatable, and painfully awkward. The topics can range from a first kiss (or sexual experience) to fighting with parents.

Totes Recall
A team of four hilarious individuals try to recall what happens in a movie they've all seen. They then pause the recording, watch the movie, and the second half of the show, talk about where they were right, where they went wrong, and what they didn't remember at all. As a listener, you find yourself getting really worked up when you know what happens and they don't. I literally yelled at my iPhone 10 times during the Honey I Shrunk the Kids episode. Why is this fun? I dunno, it just is!

Who Doesn't Like Funny Stuff?

You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes
A comedy podcast with a spiritual and sometimes deep and mystical side. Pete has convos with people - mostly comedians, but also spiritual leaders. They talk about the guest's upbringing, personal/professional stuff, spiritual beliefs and general shenanigans.

Never Not Funny
Host Jimmy Pardo has a quick, bitting wit that keep listeners coming back. Each week, he invites another comedian on the show, but it's not an interview show. They simply talk about whatever the hell they want and it works.

Comedy Bang! Bang!
This show is different every week, and the type of comedy really depends on the guests. Host Scott Aukerman does an excellent job of playing along. Guests typically include comedians and comedians playing characters, but every once in a while CBB will have musical guests. If you listen regularly, you also get to know the recurring bits and characters (like Bob Ducca... see below).

2 Dope Queens | WNYC
Phoebe Robinson and Jessica Williams are funny. They're black. They're BFFs. And they host a live comedy show in Brooklyn along with their favorite comedians, for stories about sex, romance, race, hair journeys, living in New York, and Billy Joel. Plus a whole bunch of other s**t.

Affirmation Nation with Bob Ducca
Whenever I'm having a bad day, I listen to one of Bob Ducca's three-to-five minute episodes. Ducca (played my comedian Seth Morris) is allegedly the hypochondriac ex-stepfather of Comedy Bang! Bang! host Scott Aukerman. Listening to him read a list of ailments makes me turn my frown upside down. It's one of those things that either strikes you as hilarious, or you really just don't get it at all. Most of these shows were made in 2011-- so what, who cares. I've listened to the Television Ailments Parts I, II & III, at least 1,000,000 times and it never gets old.

Gimlet Is the Shimlet

According to many a friend, the lineup on Gimlet Media does no wrong. Proof:

Surprisingly Awesome
There are a lot of things out in the world that sound boring, but when you dig in deeper, you discover that actually, they are fascinating. Surprisingly Awesome is a show about things that sound totally boring, but turn out to be totally awesome.

Reply All
Supposedly a show about the internet, but really all kinds of stories about people that involve the internet in some way. I just listened to the Email Forgiveness episode, and was inspired to finally email someone I've been avoiding for 10 years. Yup.

Mystery Show
A podcast where Starlee Kine solves mysteries. If you have a mystery you’ve always wanted solved, send an email to the show and they may try to solve it for you. The only rule is that the answer to your mystery can’t be found by just Googling. My friend Alyssa calls this show "weird, funny, and poignant," and recommends the "Belt Buckle" and "Kotter" episodes.

Sampler
It's an entire show that's like this blog post... except well-produced and in podcast form. Basically, a podcast built of other podcast samples. I heard a sampler of Sampler and think I will definitely tune in. Can you tune in to a podcast?

How do they make an entire podcast about that?

The Quack Attack
File this one under super-niche... This is the premier Mighty Ducks podcast. No, not the Anaheim Ducks. We're talking about the movie. My friend Blaine explains: "These guys don’t live in Minnesota, but are extremely well versed in the ins and outs of the Mighty Ducks movies. Each week, they dive in to a specific themes, characters, etc. Sometimes they even interview actors and directors from the movies."

A few episode highlights:
Ep. 73: Who wins in a street fight between the Mighty Ducks, the Goonies and the Sandlot kids
Ep. 9: The many women in Gordon Bombay’s life
Ep. 56: Did the Mighty Ducks cross the line in their prank war with the Varsity?

At press time, they have 81 episodes. You can't make this stuff up.

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What are you listening to and loving? Share in the comments! I'll be putting together another podcast roundup in the next few weeks, so stay tuned for that.

If you're into other recommendations, I have this one and this one alll about books.

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What I Learned While Pregnant in a Bikini

It happened at Square Lake, circa 1989.

I was seven or eight. I noticed a women out of the corner of my eye-- just a normal beachgoer I'd never met before. There was nothing notable about her, except for one little thing: she was probably 8 months pregnant and wearing a blue string bikini.

To me, a kid who really never spent much time around pregnant people (my brother is 18 months younger than me, so I don't really remember my mom being pregnant), I thought this was incredibly strange. Maybe even embarrassing, like accidentally seeing a nip slip or something (I live in America where nipples are apparently obscene).

I diverted my eyes, and casually went back to building my impressive sandcastle. I remember being baffled at the time: you can wear a bikini while pregnant?! Why on earth would you want to show off your fat belly? Also, won't the baby drown if you go swimming? They are completely under the water! How can they breathe?!?

Clearly, I had a lot to learn.

25 years later, I think pregnant women are adorable... especially in a swimsuit. And yet, this childhood memory sticks with me.

Precisely why I added "wear a bikini while pregnant" to my list of fears to conquer.

It's not that I feel bad about my body.

Honestly, when I look at my pregnant self, I see mostly adorable (just being honest ;)... except when I'm in a florescent-lit dressing room at Old Navy trying to squeeze into shorts I thought would work on my pregnant body, but so-so-so do not.

I think the thing that weirded me out about exposing my bump is the vulnerability of it all. There's something unsettling about feeling so... on display. Would people stare? Would I look like a beached whale? Would I inadvertently scar a seven-year-old girl who was just trying to build a damn sandcastle? Only one way to find out.

On our recent trip to Florida, I packed one swimsuit. It was a bikini-- my regular bottoms with a new top to accommodate my much larger boobs (no one is complaining).

I spent an afternoon with my husband, mom and in-laws at a beach near Ft. Myers. We found a spot, I took a deep breath, removed my coverup, and parked a lounge chair, book in hand. Later, we went for a long walk on the beach and had lunch. I didn't go swimming, but I now know that unborn babies actually live underwater, so drowning isn't exactly an issue so long as I don't drown.

Oddly, I felt more confident than ever wearing a bikini.

I'm usually self-conscious about my mid-section, but now that it's three times its normal size and rock hard, I kind of love it! I knew pregnant bellies were firm, but I didn't expect them to be so flattering! It's like your actual body becomes Spanx. Plus, I think there's something about growing a human from scratch that makes you stop focusing on your negative body issues. All of a sudden, I realized I no longer GAF.

As for staring-- from both kids and adults alike-- I didn't notice and I didn't care. Here's the picture to prove it.

Body issues, be gone! | What I Learned While Pregnant in a Bikini — Body issues, be gone! | What I Learned While Pregnant in a Bikini

What's funny, is that this picture was taken about 6 weeks ago, and feel like I barely even look pregnant-- especially compared to now! I've still got 85 days-ish left of this pregnancy, and with summer just around the corner, I think there will be plenty more opportunities to don my bikini (provided it still fits!).

Can't believe I'm writing these words.... but I'm kind of looking forward to it.

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This isn't my first body image post... so in case you're interested, here's a little about the time I worked out shirtless (but in a sports bra. Relax.). Also, have you ever had someone sketch you? It made me feel a lot more exposed and vulnerable than I expected!

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This Week's Best Stuff on the Internet

Here in Minnesota, it's been quite the celebration of Prince Rogers Nelson's life.

I've been a life-long Prince fan, with "Kiss" being the first Prince song I ever remember hearing. I saw him live at Target Center (danced like crazy), once at the Dakota with an intimate crowd of 250 people (made it to the front row!!!) and once in a booth at a Minneapolis dive bar (I passed him a note via his body guard, don't know if he read it; I cried due to pure joy/excitement anyhow). Last Thursday, I hauled my pregnant ass to the impromptu street party in front of First Avenue. Lots of tears, dancing and singing.

Some of my favorite Prince things from the weekend:
Loved these pics from last Thursday.
A look back at Prince's celebration of women.
OMG THIS IS THREE BLOCKS FROM MY HOUSE YAY!!!

Locally, radio stations are playing 24/7 Prince, and I've found myself saying "I LOVE THIS ONE! IT'S MY FAVORITE!!" to at least 70 percent of them. But this one is actually my favorite (I think?). And for whatever reason, when I'm having a bad day, this one always calms me down and puts a smile on my face. Can't explain it, just have a listen.

I know there's some people who never really "got" Prince. But for the rest of us, it's been an emotional few days. We'll miss you, Purple Yoda.

I could go on forever with the Prince stuff, but I'll spare you, so how about these Renaissance babies who can't even.

Do you eat lunch at your desk? Hmm.... maybe you shouldn't.

This simple GIF makes a compelling argument for carpooling, biking or mass transit.

Disclaimer: my brother edits these Epic How To videos, but I thought this one on stopping global warming was particularly insightful.

ICYMI: Here's the 28 things that have made my pregnancy more enjoyable. I've since realized that many of these items will probably make life more enjoyable, even if you're not pregnant.