Let's Do This: Hey Eleanor Moments

Declaration: I want the term "Eleanor" used in everyday conversation. Kind of like a "Baldwin" was a handsome guy in the 90s, I wanna hear someone I don't know talking about their "Hey Eleanor moment" (or maybe "pulling an Eleanor") when they do something scary. I think it could happen. Until then, here's a few places I found people pulling an Eleanor on the web. You should probably just check 'em out cause it's Friday and you're not really working anyhow.

1. The Crossroads of Should & Must

If this beautifully written & designed post doesn't make you sit back and really reflect on your life's purpose, I am a monkey's uncle!

2. An & Ria's #First Flight.

I laughed and cried watching these two 70-something women fly for the first time.

3. I'm Taking Sweetpea's Burlesque/Twerking Class.

No, really. I am. Tuesday nights in Mpls. Who's coming with me?

4. Sharks.

And lastly, it turns out my biggest fear is totally, 100 percent justified!

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#180 & 181. Sign Up for Two Races (Please join me???)

I do realize this seems stupid, but I read up on it and I think it's going to be just fine. (Sorry in advance, Dad.) — I do realize this *seems* stupid, but I read up on it and I think it's going to be just fine. (Sorry in advance, Dad.)

Have I ever mentioned how much I despise running? Always have. I'm the only person I know who actually trained for the mile run in grade school because I was so embarrassed about my slothy time. AND YET, I still finished damn near last. I am a horribly slow runner. This has always humiliated me. Not embarrassed. Humiliated.

I've tried to combat this fear of running many times. I've done a few 5Ks, a Warrior Dash (there was mud, fire and electrocution involved! Never again!) and even a 50K relay race a few years ago in Door County (absolutely gorgeous). Running on my own is sometimes okay, but in a race setting, ugh. My running friends swap stories about their kills (you know, when you pass people in a race). I, on the other hand, was once passed by a 40-year-old man running with a six-year-old on his shoulders. I'm not kidding. It happened at the Lumberjack Days 5K a few years ago. It's such a buzzkill being the last of your friends to cross the finish line... especially when you realize not only have they already obtained their post-race beer, but they are almost done drinking it.

My slowness is frustrating.

I used to believe my tortoise-like pace meant I was simply an out of shape wimp, even though I've literally exercised regularly for my entire life. Since starting CrossFit almost a year ago, I prove to myself that I am no wimp multiple times a week. Maybe running is just not my jam. However, the mental & physical toughness I've acquired via living out this blog has made me reconsider. So, I signed up for two very different races. I've learned that committing to something is often much scarier than actually doing it (I especially hope that is true in both of these cases).

Race #1: The Great Bull Run.

I'd never do the actual running of the bulls in Pamploma. I'm not insane! However, this version in Elk River, Minnesota just got my $50 (+ a $13 added insurance fee). The beyonce signed up, too.

If you watch the video, you'll think I'm nuts. But if you read the finer print on their website, it's a little less dramatic. Did that help ease your anxiety? Maybe? Just a little?

The best part of this run is that it's short (.25 miles) and I will be getting chased [kinda] by a few 1,500-pound bulls... so that's some major incentive to kick it into high gear.

Does this race sound appealing to you at all?

Great, then you should join me.

I'm putting a Hey Eleanor team together & will be running at noon on Saturday, May 10th. Register here. Yes, I am inviting you, friend/family member/perfect stranger to face your fears and run with me. Once you've registered, email me [heyeleanorproject [at] gmail [dot] com] so I know to look for ya.

Race #2: Rock N' River Trail Run

More proof that fear is subjective: Trying to outrun 1,500-pound bulls some how sounds less scary than partaking in a 10K trail run.

I should just point out that I have never done a 10K race, nor a trail race. From what I understand, a trail race is just a regular running race, but on rocky, uneven, potentially wet, muddy and steep paths in the woods. Fun! (?)

I've attempted to rationalize why I think this might actually be a good experience for me. First, I actually like hiking/running/walking in the woods. It's pretty and you're not worried about getting hit by a car (I guess you could get eaten by a bear, but I digress). Plus, I think my biggest hurdle with running is the general boringness. How can you be bored when you're trying not to trip and sprain your ankle?! And a 10K is really only two 5Ks back-to-back, right?

Are you afraid of 10Ks, too? Great, sign up to run with me (or more accurately, probably pass me with a kid on your shoulders). There is also a 5K option if that's more your speed. You can register here. When it asks you if you'd like to join a team, write "Hey Eleanor!" in the provided field.

Again, once you've registered, email me [heyeleanorproject [at] gmail [dot] com] so I know to look for ya.

Last thing = T-shirts.

Would you wear an awesome Hey Eleanor! t-shirt for the race if I had some made? Would you maybe consider buying one even if you weren't running, just for the hell of it? LMK, amigos!

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#179. 12 Things I've Learned Through Fear.

I launched Hey Eleanor six months ago. Yep, I'm halfway to my goal. I can't believe I haven't quit. What's more, I can't believe I haven't wanted to quit!

I think it's important to set aside time for reflection. I meant to do a progress report at Day 100... and didn't make time for it. Same at #122 (about a third of the way through) and 150, and basically every other day after that. Turns out, I am so focused on moving this project forward that I didn't want to take the time to reflect. So in order to do so, I am making myself take a break. Today, I am acknowledging that taking time for reflection is actually a difficult task for me. Hence, I am counting it as # 179.

I've learned a lot in the last 179 days. Things like...

1. I Can Do This.

For the longest time, I didn't believe I had the gumption to keep up with a blog. I'd attempted blog projects a few different times and pretty much gave up after a month or so. Turns out, I CAN DO THIS! It was just a matter of focusing on something I actually care about.

2. Scary Things are Everywhere.

Initially, I thought the difficult part about Hey Eleanor would be finding scary things to do. Turns out, scary things find me nearly every day. Getting a flu shot, the crazy Chinese healer man (probably my favorite/funniest scary thing thus far) and using this creepy toilet in my basement (desperate times call for desperate measures), I encounter plenty of things outside my comfort zone. The difference is before Hey Eleanor, I would've shied away from these things (in most cases I RARELY would've said yes). Now I say yes to nearly everything. It's way more fun.

3. Things that Can Kill You Aren't Always the Scariest Things.

I did this last October:

...and somehow, it was not as scary as this:

I've never heard of anyone becoming paralyzed or deceased from public speaking, and yet, I can't explain why skydiving is less scary than giving a TEDx Talk. So is doing stand-up comedy, going through the haunted basement and eating a live minnow.

4. Practice Makes Things Less Scary.

In Studio/e (a entrepreneurship course I took last year), we talked a lot about creativity. Guess what? Anyone can "be creative." Really. It just takes practice. Think you're not a creative person? Try incorporating some of these tips/tricks into your routine. It works. Much in the same vein, overcoming fear gets easier with practice. A short six months ago, I would've rather died-- quite literally--than get up in front of an audience and speak. My heart still beats with serious fervor prior to public speaking, but it gets more and more comfortable every time I do it.

It's also become second nature to say yes to the things that make me uncomfortable. Now, I kind of look forward to challenging myself. I've changed a lot in this regard.

5. Guides are Important.

Sharing a cigar with my hunting guru, Georgia Pellegrini.

I've done some unsafe things this year: hunting, scuba diving, a ride along with a Minneapolis K-9 unit. The thing that made all of these experiences feel okay was relying on a trustworthy guide. For example, Georgia's patience while hunting with me in Arkansas made me feel at ease while holding a shotgun (something I had never done before). Also, a confident and empathetic guide can help push you farther than you'd go on your own. I'd never have been able to kill a bird with my own bare hands if Georgia hadn't pushed me to do so.

Most intense Hey Eleanor experience thus far.

6. People Want to Help.

My friends, family and even perfect strangers have really gone above and beyond. From inviting me to observe ACL surgery (date TBD!) to "letting" me change their newborn's diaper, I absolutely love how many of you have offered to help me complete this [often overwhelming] project. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

7. Accountability is Awesome.

Do you honestly think I would've ever attempted to do the Whole30 if it weren't for Eleanor? Of course... and I would've maybe made it five days before quitting.

8. I'm the Best Version of Myself.

Instead of bitching about building a fence/going to CrossFit/shopping on Black Friday, I'm excited. No person loves and appreciates this more than my beyonce, Josh.

For the record, my computer is not autocorrecting fiance to beyonce, as many of you have pointed out. "Beyonce" is just what I call my fiance because I think fiance seems a little formal and weird. And beyonce is funny. Since we are on the subject...

9. Josh is the Best.

Not only does he literally go to every single crazy event that I'm doing for Eleanor, he takes photos, proofreads (kinda... I guess I also often rely on my other beyonce, Maggie, for actual grammatical errors) and volunteers himself to do ridiculous stuff with me. There is a reason I am marrying this guy and it is because he's incredibly supportive, inspiring and grounding. Also, he has beautiful eyes and a hot body.

10. Blogs Take a $#!*load of Time.

I work on Hey Eleanor every day before I head into the office. Most nights, I devote a few hours to it, too. I spend 10 hours minimum on this every weekend. I wish I were kidding. Hey Eleanor could be a full-time job. It's interesting though-- I've only had a few moments where I've thought, "I am so over this." I freaking love this project with all my heart. The time flies.

11. My Writing is More Efficient.

I've learned to let go of perfection. Six short months ago, it would literally take me hours to craft one of these posts (sometimes, maybe eight or twelve. I am not kidding!). When you find yourself writing 500-1,500 words a day, you learn to let go of the little things. These posts aren't perfect. Sure, there are typos. Yes, sometimes I'm not feeling it and my writing is lazy. But in general, I am getting more done in less time-- both on Hey Eleanor and at my day job-- which is a gift I wasn't really anticipating, but am so incredibly thankful for.

11. Leaning into Fear = Possibilities.

By not allowing fear to hold me back, I've had the most exciting six months of my life. I've learned that I am stronger than I ever imagined (mentally and physically). I can do a pull-up. I can make a commitment to something as "drastic" as the Whole30 and stick with it. I tried SCUBA diving (my biggest fear), survived and actually loved it. I've cooked amazing meals for my sweetheart, friends and family. I can talk in front of a big group and not breakout in hives.

I've met all sorts of great people, who've then introduced me to other great people. By giving a TEDx Talk (so scary!), I met someone who wants to help me publish a book. I also met someone who wants me to help teach a group of at-risk BUT driven teenage girls how to lean into their own fears. I even met someone I liked so much that I set them up with one of my good guy friends. I don't want to jinx it, but I am pretty sure they are dating. Oh, and I met Richard Simmons, nbd..... just kidding, HUGE DEAL.

My fitness guru, The Weight Saint aka Richard Simmons.

But if I had to pinpoint the most important thing I've learned, it's that the only limits in my life are ones that I have created for myself. (Well, aside from laws at the federal and local level, plus general ethics.) It's one thing to know that intellectually, but a whole different thing to have lived it. I feel unstoppable. It's the best thing ever.

Consider This Challenge, Will Ya?

I wasn't intending to end this post like this, but would anyone be interested in doing a Hey Eleanor!-inspired Whole30? The gist: you commit to doing one thing that's outside your comfort zone for 30 days. These can be things as simple as ordering something new at your favorite restaurant, telling a friend, "Actually, those Doc Martin platforms sandals have been out of style for fifteen years," or alligator wrestling (not recommended). Or maybe trying a hot yoga class. Or the Whole30. Or emailing a former teacher that actually had an impact on your life. Really guys, it's so easy to come up with 30 things. Try it; you'll be amazed. And if nothing else, you will have lots of good stories.

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#178. Grill a Whole Salmon

A few weeks ago, Verlasso sent three gorgeous salmon to our office. Coincidentally, they arrived the same day I was to cook a dinner for 12 at my dad's house. I'd never grilled a whole salmon before and the idea of it gave me major anxiety. If I screwed up, there'd be no dinner AND the salmon would've died for nothing. Andrew told me to relax & that he had a fail proof method for making this fish at home:

Rinse whole salmon. Cut off tail and head. Stuff with herbs. Thrown on grill. What could possibly go wrong?

Yeah.... and we got the whole thing on video.

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How the Whole30 Will Actually Make You Feel

Exhausted, invigorated, svelte, or underwhelmed... six Whole30 participants weigh in (figuratively)

I'm just wrapping up day 23 and feeling pretty darn good. I don't have tiger blood pulsing through my veins yet, but I think I've definitely bumped up from sloth blood to squirrel blood. Every day I have a little more spring in my step and tonight, I am going to bed at 9pm. 9 - 10 hours of sleep couldn't hurt, right?

So this week, I wanted to focus on my amazing pals who joined me in this Whole30 bizniz. I'm not sure they all knew what they were getting into (full disclosure: me neither!) and they've all been troopers. I asked them each a few questions about how their Whole30 is going, what's working & what's not. In general, it seems we've all been really into the food, but are feeling a little meh on the "results" thus far.

Hopefully things will get kicked into gear in these last seven days. I have faith!

My three favorite things: Twins games, hotdogs and the beyonce.

Molly // 31-years-old // Founding Fraidy Cat @ Hey Eleanor; Food Writer // Minneapolis

Why did you want to do the Whole30?
I've had food issues all my life. I'd say I feel "sick" after eating probably five times a week. I wanted to get to the bottom of that, plus I was really unsure I could handle the restrictiveness of something like Whole30, given my profession and general love of food.

Best thing about it? Worst?
I love cooking and the food is delicious. AND I've only felt sick after eating one time in the last 20-some days (I think too many onions in the Rogan Josh recipe... next time, I'll dial it back). The worst is the planning, but that's getting easier as I build my pantry and stock my freezer. Oh, and I miss wine and cream in my coffee.

What things have surprised you about your Whole30?
Once I made it through week one, I hardly ever feel deprived of anything.

We're a little over 3 weeks in. How do you feel? Be honest.
Physically, I feel light as a feather (not from a weight standpoint necessarily, but my body feels light in general). My tummy issues are gone, though I wish I had a little more energy. Someone told me I look "amazing" and "really healthy" today, which made me happy. I should also add that though I feel pretty good physically, I am mentally feeling a little down in the dumps. I don't know why, because I am happy with everything in my life right now. It's kind of weird. Maybe it's just the lack of energy?

What about Whole30 do you think you'll continue (if anything)?
I think I'll continue menu planning W30-style for the week, and definitely breakfasts. I'll also be more mindful at restaurants. Like, do I really need fries or am I just ordering them because it seems like the thing to do.

Favorite recipe so far:
I just made this mashup recipe on Sunday. It's the brining technique from Well Fed + Martha Stewart's roast lemon chicken recipe. Even if you're not eating paleo, everyone should have a roast chicken recipe in their repertoire.

A tip/trick that has helped you:
Tupperware. Always having healthy snacks around. Costco.

What results/changes have you noticed, if any?
My thighs look smaller, my face feels thinner and my tummy feels the best it's ever felt.

Would you recommend Whole30 to friends/family strangers?
Yes.

First thing you're going to eat on Day 31:
I think I'll still keep it pretty Paleo, but I might put some cream in my coffee (though I will say quality coffee requires no cream) and pair a nice glass of red vino with my W30 dinner.

Josh // 31-years-old // My beyonce; Mechanical Engineer // Minneapolis

Why did you want to do the Whole30?
Because my lovely fiancée wanted to do it. But seriously, as a healthy challenge and a way to drive additional self-awareness to what I’m eating.

Best thing about it? Worst?
Best thing is discovering how sweet an apple or some berries can taste. Worst is Friday nights with no beer, being invited out for meals/beers and having to turn it down, and having to explain the whole thing to my co-workers.

What things have surprised you about your Whole30?
How ridiculously easy it is to change home cooked meals into Whole30 compliant meals.

We're a little over 3 weeks in. How do you feel? Be honest.
Eh. Fine.

What about Whole30 do you think you'll continue (if anything)?
The minor modifications on home-cooked meals such as sweet potatoes, cauliflower rice, etc.

Chocolate chili, topped with loads of avocado and cilantro.

Favorite recipe so far:
Chocolate chili

A tip/trick that has helped you:
Tupperware. Keeping almonds/sugar snap peas/apples around at all times.

What results/changes have you noticed, if any?
Lost some weight, probably. (Note: He also hasn't had heartburn or tummy issues since we started. Personally, I think that's a win. - Molly)

Would you recommend Whole30 to friends/family strangers?
Yes.

First thing you're going to eat on Day 31:
Well, FIRST I’ll probably just eat the same whole 30 compliant breakfast I was eating before and during whole 30 (and will continue to eat, for the most part). But after that, some pizza and a beer sounds AMAZING. Oh, and a puppy tail from Isles Buns is near the top of the list, too.

Liz's Whole30 goal: to get those legs back for the love of plastic Jesus!

Liz // 31-years-old // Fashion Editor; My Dog's Fairy Godmother //Minneapolis

Why did you want to do the Whole30?
There were numerous reasons: inklings of food sensitivities have been creeping up, the "relationship 15" I had gained since July (we eat a lot of pizza), my friends were doing it, but above all…I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it.

Best thing about it? Worst?
Best: I feel lighter, not just in a weight way but in a "even after eating a lot I don't feel weighed down and gross" way. Worst: the week of migraines I got over days 7-14.

What things have surprised you about your Whole30?
That I am a good cook! Prior to this, I was a lazy cook….not wanting to take the time to prep and make good things. And that what we've called "compliant food" can taste REALLY good. And that I don't really hate leftovers.

We're a little over 3 weeks in. How do you feel? Be honest.
Ok. I don't think I know what this tiger's blood is all about. Don't get me wrong, my energy is different and I am not getting the afternoon crashes, but I wouldn't describe the way I'M feeling as a tiger. To be honest, I feel that what I've read about the Whole 30 oversold it a little, and while I feel good….I am feeling a little disappointed.

What about Whole30 do you think you'll continue (if anything)?
I think that I will try to keep cooking "compliant" while at home, but be less concerned when going out.

Favorite recipe so far:
Annie D'Souza's Paleo Potsticker Meatballs over a kale salad with goyza dressing. Boyfriend said, "This is like restaurant quality shit." High praises from him. And he's asking for me to make them again before this is all over.

A tip/trick that has helped you.
Although juicing/smoothies isn't really following the rules, I had to bring back my morning "green drink" (a Nutribullet blend of kale, carrots, celery, ginger, beets, berries and mango) during week 2. I am not a huge fan of breakfast, and was sick of trying to choke down eggs and veggies every morning. Also, I have self-diagnosed my migraines as blood sugar related, so I upped my fruit intake and started eating more sweet potatoes…the headaches disappeared quickly.

What results/changes have you noticed, if any?
Like I said above, my energy is improved and steadier throughout the day. I see a difference in my mental clarity and I feel about 10 lbs thinner…excited to jump on a scale.

Liz claims this even tasted better the next day... high praise from a person who claims to "despise" leftovers.

Would you recommend Whole30 to friends/family strangers?
I would, but I would give a more honest take on the process than what I read going into it. It was a great physical challenge on many levels and proved how strong my willpower really is. I mean, I have had meals next to my boyfriend eating pizza, while I was eating compliant pad thai (also a FAVE and the only picture I took of my dinners) and was not tempted to sneak a bite. Full disclosure: I took a slice and smelled it for a while…I've been smelling the "illegal" food a lot.

First thing you're going to eat on Day 31:
I'll probably ease into the day, but planning on PIZZA, with a glass of wine for my first non-compliant dinner.

Maggie & Kev // 31-year-old & 40-something-year-old // Cohabitating Couple; DIY Addicts // St. Paul

Why did you want to do the Whole30?
M: 'Cause it was a challenge!
K: To get healthy again & to see if I could.

Best thing about it? Worst?
M: The best is cooking, and the worst is that my digestion is still weird! Too many trips to grocery store! So much planning.
K: Agree that the food is the best, but mealtime can be inconvenient

What things have surprised you about your Whole30?
M: The massive internet following. I guess I was in the dark on popularity!
K: How easily I assimilated to it.

We're a little over 3 weeks in. How do you feel?
M: Not much different. The mornings are better and I gained a breakfast habit which I like. I'm hungry all the time. Dislike.
K: I feel good, pretty good. I seem to wake up early. I'm tired at night, earlier than before.

What about Whole30 do you think you'll continue (if anything)?
M: Breakfast. And I want to continue cooking Whole30-style at home!
K: New eating habits (and hopefully continued Whole30 leftovers for lunch).

Mags said this is the sweet potato quiche, but I say it's art.

Favorite recipe so far?
M: The pad Thai and sweet potato quiche.
K: Egg bake with chorizo (note: they made their own chorizo by seasoning the beef, FYI. - Molly)

A tip/trick that has helped you:
M: Cauliflower "rice."
K: Sunflower seeds (in shell). Is that even legal?

What results/changes have you noticed, if any?
M: Getting up early is easy.
K: I wake up earlier and have noticeably lost weight.

Would you recommend Whole30 to friends/family strangers
M: Yeah, worth it just to realize what's in your food. Creates great awareness.
K: Sure, it's been really interesting.

First thing you're going to eat on Day 31:
M: A yogurt with my new 'regular' whole 30 b'fast.
K: Probably a hard boiled egg with guac and hot sauce. Later, I'll probably go for a beer and a sandwich.

Hil-bill at the Beer Dabbler. Ugh, remind me why beer isn't Whole30-approved?

Hilary // 27-ish // Estudiante de Law; Basketball Freak // Minneapolis

Why did you want to do the Whole30?
I didn't know if I could actually stay away from cheese and bread and alcohol for a month, but turns out I can! Normally, I am guided completely by cravings so I often eat fast food and I feel helpless in my choices. Because I eat crap food often (i.e. Taco Johns and Little Caesar's pizza), I tend to over-eat and then feel disgusting afterwards. I thought that the Whole30 could help me to change my tastes a bit (i.e. making a choice to order the roasted chicken instead of the four cheese macaroni), and to cut down on my cravings. Also, I thought that I would probably lose some weight if I wasn't drinking, eating candy or pizza.

Best thing about Whole30?
I love to cook, so it has pushed me to cook more, and to cook different things.

Worst?
I've absolutely hated some of the 'cool' recipes I've tried (cauliflower hummus, and tahini dressing, just to name two. Maybe it means I don't like tahini?) and as a single participant at my house, I made too much sometimes and had to throw food away. Also, so many f#$%&*g dishes. Thank god I have a dishwasher, I could never have done this in my old apartment.

What things have surprised you about your Whole30?
That I actually do have power over my cravings. I feel like my self-control has never been better. I believe in myself as far as being capable of making better choices.

We're a little over 3 weeks in. How do you feel? Be honest.
I don't really feel any different. I am sorta bored by a lot of the food. I sleep a lot and I am still the same level tired in a day-to-day basis. Not so much life-changing, as a change in perspective.

What about Whole30 do you think you'll continue (if anything)?
I don't think that I will be buying some processed foods anymore, like Wheat Thins, or crackers or potato chips. I just don't feel that interested. Also, prepping one or two things for lunches is a great habit I hope to keep up.

Favorite recipe so far:
Eggs, any preparation, but especially with a little mayo as egg salad, or a deviled egg (great addition to salads).

A tip/trick that has helped you:

theclothesmakethegirl.com. I used her week by week planning guide for the first couple weeks, until I got a better understanding of what to buy for the week.

Also her mayo instructions were super important because I used mayo for all kinds of sauces and dressings. I made mayo the first couple times in my (crappy) food processor, but I noticed that Melissa mentioned that if you have an immersion blender to just use that, and when I did I got the fluffiest mayo, with the least effort.

What results/changes have you noticed, if any?
Not much. This is definitely the healthiest I have ever eaten. I don't get as ravenously hungry because I am eating real, full meals. I may be a little thinner, but nothing like what seems to be touted by the website. But I definitely don't feel crazy amazing or overly energetic.

Would you recommend Whole30 to friends/family strangers?
Eh? I am not sure. I feel like I could suggest parts of the program. Eating more protein and vegetables has to be good for us. Cooking and prepping things for lunches is great.

First thing you're going to eat on Day 31:
This.

* * *

Not really a spoiler alert, but we all successfully completed the Whole30, and were all pretty amazed with the results... even those of us who were a little skeptical. Check out the before & after pics here.

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#170. Go to the lululemon Warehouse Sale

40 minutes into my wait, looking back at the line. Only 40 more minutes to go! :-/

I didn't know it was possible to despise anything in the retail world more than door busters on Black Friday.

Then, the Minneapolis lululemon Warehouse sale happened.

Where to begin. First of all, if you aren't familiar with lululemon, just find any teenage girl or person you suspect does yoga. They will waxed on about this shiz until you change the subject to either Instagram selfies (for the teens) or "conscious uncoupling" (yoga person). If you don't have either of those two groups of people handy, here's the gist: lululemon sells expensive yoga and workout wear. I'm talking $98 for a pair of plain black leggings (sometimes accidentally see-through). I know, ridiculous, right? And don't get me started on their weird corporate snafus. But even a jaded beyotch like me can admit...

The good lululemon stuff is really, really amazing.

It's durable, thoughtfully designed (secret pockets, the zipper pulls double as a spare hair elastic), and gently hugs your body in a way that's both flattering and comforting. I can't explain it. Just try it on sometime.

Anyhow, they have an annual sale that's said to offer ridiculous deals on their super-spendy threads (and it was to be held in the CONVENTION CENTER... that's an enormous sale, y'all!). And when an evangelized brand has a super-sale, watch out. A snippet from Shop Girl extraordinaire, Allison Kaplan:

The rarely discounted, (perhaps irrationally) adored lululemon is bringing its annual warehouse sale to [Minneapolis]. When the sale took place in New York last year, bargain hunters traveled from at least three states away to shop.

Gulp. That sounds like pure hell. However, I could really use a few pairs of leggings and maybe a sports bra. Plus, it sounded like a great blog post. I decided to go on Friday morning. Not right away (doors opened at 8am, but folks arrived at 4am or something... and had to wait outside!), but around 10am when things had mellowed out a bit. I was feeling good about my strategy. As the 10 o'clock hour approached, I started gearing up to shop. BUT FIRST (because I AM SMART!), I checked the @lululemonWHUS Twitter account:

Excusez-moi? THREE HOURS? What's more, the very chipper lululemon tweeter kept saying things like "But the line is moving fast!" Listen, lady. I don't care if I'm sprinting through a 3 hour-long line. Three hours is three hours. So I tweeted this:

Yeah, I showed them!

And yet, two hours later I'm waiting in line for $20 off yoga pants at the Convention Center. I'd been following the wait time via Twitter and some d-bag tweeted "No Wait!" I fell for it. And then I was already there so.....

To be fair, the line did move quickly. And boy oh boy was the people watching amazing! 95 percent of those in line were sporting headband-to-toe lululemon. You know how people like to wear meat dresses and weird hoof shoes at Lady Gaga shows? It was exactly like that, but for a multi-billion dollar yoga brand. It kind of made me uncomfortable (?). I chose to not conform by wearing Athleta leggings. I'm a rebel like that.

After a 1.25 hour wait (where I made two new friends-- hi Jordan & Sarah Lynn!), I finally entered the sale. It looked like this:

My plan of action: Leggings (fitted throughout the leg, no flare action), a sports bra or two and maybe a good tank or big gym bag if one caught my eye. I found the 28 (!) bins that claimed to hold sports bras in my size. I started digging, unearthing plenty of swim suit tops, bottoms, booty shorts.... and one purple sports bra in my size. Not my first color choice, but who cares. It's a sports bra.

Next, on to the leggings. Four racks stuffed with pants in my size. I found the three pairs of fitted, cropped pants amongst hundreds of their flared friends-- akin to finding a needle in a lycra-spandex haystack. They all were discounted to $49 (normally $72 - 92), but maybe not exactly in the colors I'd normally gravitate toward. I grabbed all three to try on.

Lastly, I walked through the tops section, which was populated with so many horribly ugly options it was almost laughable. It was as if Beetlejuice/Robin Thicke's wardrobe had a baby with a yoga instructor. I found one awesome plain black t-shirt, and a neon green tank with some sort of built-in bra (both $39... yeah, yeah I know. Expensive shirts).

All sales were final, so I decided to try on my finds. Oh m'gosh, the wait for the huge, communal changing room (on its own, 15 minutes is nothing; but I'd already waited over an hour to get in). One of the pairs of leggings actually enhanced my cellulite, so I ditched those.

I ended up with one pair of leggings, a bra, and two tops. Obviously, I had to buy some things to make my wait worth the while (ah, psychology!). I whizzed by their gym bag selection. They about 300 bags to choose from... trouble is, they were all pastel pink. Gross.

Guess what happened next?! I waited in line for another 20 minutes to check out. When I finally got to the cashier, she asked:

"Well... Did ya have So. Much. Fun?!"

I know she was just trying to be nice and all, and did my best not to be a bitch, but HELLO! I just waited in line for two hours to buy slightly discounted yoga clothes in colors/styles I'm not sure I'd normally buy. Granted, I chose to be there. But "fun" was pushing it. I told her in my best no-frills, plain jane voice, "Eh, not really, but thanks for asking." I ended up spending about $150 and I am pretty happy with my purchases.

Would I recommend the lululemon warehouse sale? Depends, and I really mean this next thing without a hint of sarcasm. The sale is perfect for people who love big retail to-dos (like early morning Black Friday stuff). It's also great for people who care more about a brand than they care about fit (I was like this at one point in my life; it was awkward). It's also great for really generous and patient adults who want to get their favorite tween/teen/college-aged kid/31-year-old blogger friend a decent gift. I'd also recommend it to people who have the time, energy and brainpower to hang at the sale and check out restocked racks.

I, however, don't really fall into any of those categories currently. Therefore, I don't think I'd do the sale again. Sadly, I'd rather pay full price and save on time (and get exactly what I want).

Could I even possibly end this post without including a fashion shoot?