This Week's Best Stuff on the Internet

So... if given $100, what would you buy at the grocery store? This video dives into that exact thing, and what these eight people blew their money on might shock you. Or not.
 

Speaking of groceries.... they pretty much all become poop. Here's the best poop story of the week.


I'm quite proud of this woman for telling the truth about her sister's death. She was depressed. It was suicide. It happens to a lot of people. Saying your loved one "died suddenly" is a choice, but it continues to sweep the real problem under the rug. Guys, it's time to start being honest about this. 


On a lighter note, here's the most satisfying GIFs you've ever seen! Behold: how to fold your clothes
 

Sadly, this list of Rules of Behavior for Young Ladies hasn't truly changed much since 1831.
 

Want to beat procrastination? Read this
 

90-year-old woman forgoes cancer treatment, embarks on amazing road trip. She is my hero. 
 

I go to most sports games because of all the stuff that happens between the actual innings/halves/quarters... you get the picture. Keeping that in mind, this karaoke session at a Chicago Bulls game is like my World Series
 

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This Week's Best Stuff on the Internet

I've been waiting for Pee-wee to come out with a new movie since 1985. My prayers were answered on Friday, when Pee-wee's Big Holiday premiered on Netflix. If you don't have an existing affinity for Pee-wee, you probably aren't going to love this movie. But if you do, you will. It's silly, a little dumb, and I loved every second!
 

Maybe this is the pregnancy hormones talking, but this post about moms saying goodbyes to their first children made me burst into tears. Especially the dog photo! Waaaaah!
 

Change your vocabulary, change your attitude


Okay, okay, okay... what in the hell is going on with my pal Richard Simmons?! This article suggests that Richard is more a less a prisoner in his own home. Both Richard and his "caretakers" claim all is well... which is precisely what one would say if they were being held captive! It's all too fishy.


Entering the work force? Disillusioned by your job? Maybe you should read this excellent career advice nobody tells you.


My Palm Springs dream home is for sale! Check it out-- no one has updated it since the 1960s. Incredible. 


Men wear the same outfits to work over and over again. Can women do the same? I say yes, duh, of course! Find your signature style and rock it. 


Behold: the pillow that's changed my life. It's supposed to be for pregnancies, but guys: I swear it's so good, it should just be the default pillow for all!


Ever thought about quitting your job and moving to Italy? Melissa did and it sounds pretty great.


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Why I Quit My Job to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom in Italy

Staying at home with the kids seems especially great when your home is in Rome.

Staying at home with the kids seems especially great when your home is in Rome.


Melissa used to spend her days practicing law in between wrangling her kids, working out and hanging with her husband. She wanted to juggle it all, not be just another burned out career mom. But alas, constantly hustling her buns off started taking its toll. Then her husband got a job offer that would take their family to Italy. They leapt at the opportunity. Melissa couldn't exactly do her job from the land of wine and pasta, so she quit and decided to watch the kids full-time. Here's her Quitters story.   
 

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You spent five years working in a big DC law firm. What kind of law were you practicing? What did a normal day look and feel like?

When people ask a legal question, I always say I’m the most unhelpful lawyer ever! I practiced food and drug law. If you want to get your drug approved by FDA or have someone review your juice label, I’m your gal. If you are looking to incorporate your business or break your lease, I’m pretty worthless.

My typical days looked very different before and after kids.  Pre-kids, I would get up, work out, hit the office between 8 and 9, and then get frustrated when my day got off track and I stayed longer than I wanted to. Repeat.

After kids, I finally got around to using some of the flexibility the job offered. I got up around 4:30 or 5:00 am to work for two hours before my son got up. Then we would do breakfast together, play for a little bit, and pack him out the door with my husband for daycare. I’d get to the office, work like a crazy person, and hustle to leave by 5 to do the daycare pickup. Evenings would be family time, and I would log back on only if I needed to. I didn’t like that I had fairly little “me time,” but in a weird way, I felt like I had more control over my life. I liked that.

In both scenarios, I always felt that I was rushing to be somewhere. Rushing to get to work.  Rushing to finish up an emergency client request. Rushing to get my kid. I did not like this.

Clearly embracing the european style. 

Clearly embracing the european style. 


In 2014, your husband was offered a job opportunity which would require your family to spend three years living in Rome. Ultimately, he took it. Was making that decision difficult? Why or why not?

It was difficult, and it wasn’t. I knew about the difficulties of working in Big Law, but I convinced myself I would be different. Instead, I feel like I lived the cliche. Trying hard for a few years, having kids, burning out, and wanting something else. I was not special or different.

Even before we found out about Italy, I was looking into making a job change, such as working for the government. We had known living abroad might be a possibility for my husband’s job, and it was something we were both excited about. Italy came through faster than any other opportunities, and I jumped at it.

Looking back, I can see that it was hard to make a rational decision when I felt sort of underwater. Not all of my job was bad, but my happiness was low. Italy felt like a life raft.
 

Ultimately, you decided to quit your fancy job and spend your years in Italy as a stay-at-home mom. Was that prospect exciting? Did any part of you feel like you were “giving up” or making a huge sacrifice, career-wise?

Very exciting! In college, I did a year study abroad in Germany. I love traveling. I was pumped to go back.

I was even more excited about spending more time with the kids. If it hadn’t been for something like this opportunity, I don’t think I ever would have “had the guts” to try the stay at home route.  I think I always would have been curious, but never pulled the trigger. 

I worried about my future career, but this worry-- particularly at the time we decided-- was overshadowed by excitement about a lifestyle change. I decided to go for it and hope that, “oh, we had this amazing opportunity to live abroad . . . spend time with the kids when they were young, etc.” narrative would help smooth the resume gap.

 

Most of us are familiar with Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In concept—which boils down to this:  women often make less money and stall out in their career is because they take a sabbatical while starting a family. Have you worried about this?

Absolutely.  If people ask me about how things are going, I say that I’m loving my day to day life, but I worry about the future.  Constantly. (I actually talked about this conflict recently.)

I don’t know what is next. I don’t know if I can get a job in my old field whenever we return. Even if I could get one, I don’t know if I would even want it. 

I worry that I stepped off the track right when things were starting to get interesting. In the last year, I’ve had lots of friends land pretty sweet gigs. If I had looked around a bit more, would I have found something I loved?

Sometimes I kick myself that I didn’t spend more time developing a side hustle before the kids, even though looking back I don’t know what I would have done or when I would have done it.  Should I be trying more to develop something now? This is hard with limited childcare, but I know people do it. Should I focus on enjoying the boys and life in Italy? 

I have no answers. But I definitely worry.

That doesn't look like Olive Garden!

That doesn't look like Olive Garden!


Living in Italy for any amount of time is something most of us can only dream about. What were your expectations before you moved? What’s better than expected? 

Initially, things were harder than I realized at the time. My we-made-this-big-change-and-we-are-going-to-LOVE-it-no-matter-what attitude helped out a lot. But there were some long, lonely days. It felt like we were never more than an hour from the baby’s nap or meal. I was intimidated by my kids and my new surroundings. We’d try to explore, but my visions of us sipping cappuccino together at the park? Didn’t happen. 

Now, things are easier. Some of it is me hitting my stride; some of it is the kids being at an easier age. My Italian is not great, but I’m more comfortable with the language and just cultural stuff generally. We have our regular barista and market vendors who seem excited to see us. We aren’t as strictly tied to a nap schedule. We sometimes do get cappuccino at the park.

Even when things were tougher, I reveled in the flexibility of our day-to-day. After years of feeling tightly scheduled, it was like my body craved not having to be anywhere at a certain time. Eventually, we added some structure with a few hours of preschool, but having freedom over our schedule?  Much better than I expected.
 

What’s been surprisingly challenging?

Transporting ourselves around town. I love that Rome is walkable (this is good because I didn’t drive here for over a year; now I drive very rarely.), but the city is not stroller-friendly. Between broken, narrow sidewalks and tightly parked cars, it can be a struggle to push any stroller, much less a double. My double is good, but it doesn’t fit on buses and trams. 

The stroller: friend or foe?

The stroller: friend or foe?

Now the “baby,” who is almost two, is too big to fit in his carrier. His big brother is better about walking, but not reliably enough to ditch his stroller for the day. I think I thought we’d be flitting about town, exploring new parks and museums, but locomoting the crew is a challenge. Similar issues on transporting groceries. When you can only buy as much as you can carry or stuff under the stroller, you feel like you are ALWAYS grocery shopping!


Did you worry much about living abroad with kids? What do you see as some of the greatest advantages to raising them in a foreign country? What kind of sucks? How do you handle being so far from friends and family?

One of the reasons we wanted to do it now is that we figured it would be easier before the kids were in school. 

They probably aren’t old enough to reap many of the advantages of living in another country. I mean, they barely have a frame of reference for life in the United States to compare, but I like that they are being exposed to different things. I enjoy that there is always something new to explore, and it is easy to go on family adventures. Also, our life is a little less hectic than things were in DC.

Italy isn’t super kid-friendly in some ways. I can count on one hand the number of changing tables I’ve seen here. Restaurants have one high chair, if any, and that is if you stay up late enough to eat out. Restaurants typically don’t open until noon or 12:30 for lunch.  They close mid-afternoon and don’t open until 7:00 or 7:30 for dinner. This means we save a lot of our dining out for trips; it just doesn’t seem worth it the rest of the time.

But that is all small potatoes compared to missing friends and family. Technology is very helpful, but it doesn’t fix the time difference. We try to Skype or do Google Hangouts with family, but it is never as often as we’d like. We try to send postcards, and I’m always trying to email more. Even though the communication is usually one-sided, my blog helps me feel closer to people back home. 

But it sucks. I have friends with kids I’ve never met.  We are still friends, but we are no longer tell-each-other-all-your-news friends. It’s hard, but I know I can’t expect to move thousands of miles away and have everything stay the same.
 

Walk us through your typical day.

As the kids have changed, our routine has really changed! These days I usually get up at 6:00, work out, and try to squeeze in a little writing time before the kids get up. Get ready and breakfast with the kids. Three days a week, my older son does a few hours at Italian daycare, and we need to arrive there by 9:30. 

While he is at “school,” my younger son and I usually grab a caffe and hit the market or grocery store or the park before we grab his brother around 11:30. We may hit the playground again or just head home for lunch. During rest time, I try to have my own mental break and do internet stuff or more writing. After rest, we play, and I attempt to start bits of dinner before my husband gets home. Then family evenings, followed by a little time with husband chatting or watching TV.  Read. Bed around 10:30.

As you can see, we don’t hit up the Colosseum on a daily basis, but we do have plenty of Italian moments. We walk everywhere, occasionally dodging traffic and motorini. I adore the cafe culture and frequently indulge, even though I try to limit caffeine. Our market vendors know us and suggest new ways to cook fresh produce and fish. And sometimes our playground happens to be at Villa Borghese.
 

What’s one Italian trait/characteristic/concept you wish you could infuse into American culture? How about something you wish Italy could borrow from America?

I love how easy it is to eat really well here. Yes, Italy is known for pasta and pizza, but Italian food is also full of fresh, seasonal ingredients. I have multiple markets, walkable from my home, that are open six days a week. You won’t see the fish guys on Mondays because fishermen weren’t out on Sunday. Even when we do have pasta and pizza, I know that they only contain a few ingredients; no hard to pronounce ingredients here.

That being said, I wish Italy would get on board with non-Italian cuisine. Italians really really like Italian food.  Ethnic food isn’t impossible to find, but it is much harder than in the States. I miss being able to pick up a kebab or grab take-out Thai if I don’t feel like cooking. There are times I’d kill for Tex Mex or sushi. You can find it (or make it), but it is definitely more work than back home.

Spaghetti... the universal language of babies.

Spaghetti... the universal language of babies.


Does your husband ever resent the fact that you “stay home” and have more flexibility? Do you ever resent the fact that he gets to go to an office every day?

I think we have moments, but we quickly get a reality check. He probably has twinges on gorgeous weather days when I mention we hit the zoo, but then he remembers that the kids are fun, but also difficult. Particularly when the kids were a little younger, I envied him for getting to walk down the street unencumbered, but he reminded me that work isn’t exactly a vacation. 

I’ve struggled in my at-home role at times, trying to figure out what my current job description is. Am I primarily focused on the kids or is EVERYTHING “at home” my responsibility now? To his credit, my husband has never given me a hard time about anything on the home front, such as not cleaning enough, not having dinner on the table, or not dealing with that giant mound of laundry. He knows that the kids are hard, and he does a ton around the house. I do more chores at the moment, but I’d say my working was good training for us for having a better chore split.  Not having to do everything at home definitely keeps any resent I might have down. 

Also, my husband doesn’t have to work crazy hours or travel a ton. If he did, I predict my response might be very different.


What advice would you give someone considering moving abroad for a job—especially if it means bringing their spouse (and potentially kids) along?

Do it! Haha, that’s just the adventurer in me getting excited.

First, I’d advise to make sure you are making the move for the right reason. Living abroad is not a panacea for life’s ills. All of the regular problems are still there. Some things are a lot harder.  You aren’t embarking on the ultimate vacation. Are you ready to deal with sorting out new schools, figuring out how to pay your gas bill, and more--potentially all with the added layer of doing it in a foreign language? 

Next, think about your reentry strategy. If the travel is not for your job, can you return to your job after a hiatus?  Telecommute?  Work on any skills during your stay?  In other words, be better than me about this. Even if your stay is open-ended, I think you’d have some peace of mind during your stint abroad with even a loose return plan put together.

If you decide to go, find your community. We’ve been fortunate to be a part of the awesome Embassy community here. I call it like making summer camp buddies. Lots of fast bonding with delightful people all in the same boat. If you don’t have that, look for work groups, expat groups, parent groups, church groups, neighbors or something. It takes work, but it is worth it.  We aren’t meant to do everything alone. I can attest, life is more fun if you have a buddy who can get together at 4:00 pm when the day just won’t end or can explore a new neighborhood with you. 

And know that kids--particularly very young kids--will slow your roll on travel. There is an added layer of planning. You won’t be able to do things like hit every museum in Paris in 24 hours anymore. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, just different. Kids force you to slow down, soak in your surroundings, and appreciate the little things, like kicking a rock down a cobblestone road or slurping gelato on the piazza on a summery day.


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Thanks for sharing your story, Melissa! Follow along on her Italian adventures via Roman Reboot

If you don't already know, I love a good quitting story. Here's a bunch more that might inspire you to make a big life change
 

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Everyday Eleanor: I'm a Post-Abortion Wellness Coach


As a nutritionist and health coach, Jessica von Bergen loved helping women tackle their wellness goals. However, after having an abortion herself and speaking with other women who've terminated pregnancies, she identified a gap in care. Von Bergen opted to meld her health coaching business with post-abortion wellness-- something very few women have access to or even know about.

So, what exactly is post-abortion care and why is it important? I'll let her explain. 


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You’re a nutritionist and health coach. What exactly does that mean? What inspired you to pursue wellness professionally?

My nutrition education was heavily focused on the science of food and eating - things like calories, macros, and nutrient breakdown. But as soon as I started working with clients, I realised many of them had already tried following the science and still weren't able to create long-term changes within their bodies.

Health coaches provide individualized support, motivation, and look at lifestyle and behaviour adjustments as a way to help clients achieve and maintain their wellness goals. The whole-person view of health coaching really appealed to me, and seemed like a natural addition to my existing nutrition practice.

I added health coaching to my tool kit last year, and that's when I really started seeing some remarkable things happen. Health coaching has shifted my business from the old model of giving someone a prescribed protocol to the new model of helping guide people to make choices that work for them, with my nutrition expertise as support.

I'd say Jessica has excellent hair and skin. I'll eat whatever she's eating!

I'd say Jessica has excellent hair and skin. I'll eat whatever she's eating!


Your business relies largely on helping women identify the best way to fuel their body with great nutrition. However, you recently started offering a post-abortion wellness program. Why?

Women who have had abortions have almost no resources available to them. Every time I say that, it makes me angry and sad. Women are up at night relying on Google to give them answers, and the little that is available is either soft-focus angles or harsh and pseudo-scientific. There is information and access for those wanting therapy or counseling, thankfully, but nothing that provides these women with the help they need to feel like a powerful human again and get their bodies back on track.

After my own abortion, I remember feeling like I had wrecked my body and had no idea how to put it back together. I was extremely fortunate to have had access to unbiased medical care, but everyone I spoke with was trained to help with the smaller picture of the procedure and short-term recovery. No one looked at the bigger picture of my life, body and hormones. I don't fault anyone for this, but it really illustrates a gap in women's health care.

There's an important issue that nobody is talking about: what do you do to get your body back to normal after an abortion? What can we all do as health professionals that might contribute to well-rounded aftercare?


You’ve said this program was inspired by your own abortion experience, where you felt you couldn’t even broach the subject with your family. Does your family know what you do? How did you get to the point where you felt confident enough to openly provide a service like this?

My family are wonderful, open-minded, and tolerant people, and most of them would have been supportive. But at the time of my own abortion, there were so many emotions and everything in my life seemed so highly charged that I wanted as few people involved as possible.

I've been working with nutrition and wellness clients for about five years, and for most of this time I've focused on women's health issues. I've never really talked about the specifics of my business with my family, and this is no different. My mum knows that I work with women who have had abortions. I have no problem talking with anyone about what it is that I do, but I'm aware that it's a bit of a delicate subject. At dinner parties, I tell people the same thing that I tell most of my family: that I'm a nutritionist and I work with women, and I focus on hormones and reproductive health.

As far as confidence - I don't even feel like that comes into play here. When I realised that we're here in 2016 and there are barely more resources available to women than there were in 1996? That was my moment. That was my confidence. A friend referred to this kind of work as a calling, not a job, and that's exactly right. There's no way I can't do this.


I’m sure your business has received lots of positive and negative feedback. Is working in a controversial field stressful to you? How do you handle it?

When I started talking openly about helping women recover after abortions, I don't think I was quite prepared for the kinds of comments I would receive. I've heard so many stories about people's own experiences, and how they are grateful for the kind of work that I'm doing. I've also had some threats, which are obviously not pleasant, but seem to come with the territory. The trick is not to let either go to my head.

The kind of work that I do can easily get heavy, but I wouldn't call it stressful. Doing insignificant work is far more stressful to me! To stay balanced I keep regular appointments with my own wellness team. I take care of my body by eating well and getting a decent amount of sleep and doing yoga, and I take care of my mind and spirit by reading and discovering new music and having fun with friends.


How does abortion affect the body and mind short-term? Long-term?

The short-term physical effects of an abortion are typically well explained by the medical professionals that work with a woman before, during, and immediately after the procedure. Soreness, tenderness, cramping, and bleeding are all normal to a certain degree and for a short time.

Emotionally, the time leading up to the abortion is the most stressful time for a woman. Most states do have a requirement that women seeking abortion must receive counseling. Whether or not this was a requirement, I think it's beneficial for women to have the opportunity to articulate their feelings in a safe, unbiased space.

Studies on the long-term physical effects of abortion show that there are no demonstrable links between abortion and any other health issues - no types of cancers, no fertility problems, nothing. If you look online, you'll see studies that claim that abortion is the cause of a multitude of health problems later in life, but official statements from the American Cancer Society and the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists prove this information to be false.

There's no evidence of abortion having any negative long-term emotional impact. Again, this is based on numerous scientific studies. What these studies do provide is evidence that feelings of stigma and lack of social support create additional stress and negative psychological experiences for women, but not the abortion itself.


From a physical standpoint, is there really any difference between having an abortion and a miscarriage?

Miscarriage can be caused by a wide variety of factors, ranging from hormonal imbalance to structural abnormality to autoimmune conditions to chromosomal irregularities. There are internal physical factors as well as lifestyle factors that come into play. Regardless of the specific reason for miscarriage, there is something within the pregnancy that was a mismatch with the woman's body at that time (or vice versa), and did not allow for it to continue.

Because abortion is entirely externally initiated (there needs to be outside intervention, whether by a pill or by a procedure), there are no chemical signals within the woman's body triggering an end to the pregnancy. 

After both miscarriage and abortion, women experience hormonal shifts beyond what they normally would as part of their regular cycles. Women who have had an abortion can be experiencing the same physical and emotional symptoms as women who have had a miscarriage, because these women are in the fundamentally similar situation of having their bodies pregnant and then suddenly not. 

So from a physical standpoint, the similarity is about equal to two women who are having their period: although mechanically what's happened is the same (the body is no longer pregnant), the hormonal nuances and the context of the situation and the emotion surrounding it can put them in a different place and lead them to both have radically different experiences.


What’s your program like? How long does it take? What things do you tackle with clients?

I put together the kind of program that I wished I had when I was trying to get my body back on track. It looks at the woman as an entire person, and how all the parts of her body are interconnected, and then works to address the root of any imbalances.

I've always believed that food holds the solution to so many problems, so that's where my program starts.  From there, we're able to explore some of the different ways that imbalances can show up in the body: unpredictable emotions, disrupted sleep patterns, changes to weight, skin breakouts, strange cravings, fluctuations in appetite, or irregular menstrual cycles.

It's really important to me that as many women as possible are able to get their body, mind, and spirit back to normal after an abortion, and this drove my decision to work remotely rather than locally. There's also an extra element of privacy for my clients by allowing them to meet via Skype rather than having to show up at a local office. I don't want fear or intimidation to prevent women from getting the care that they need!

My signature program is 12 weeks long, and it's important that we're covering three full menstrual cycles so we can see see changes happening and repeating through all the different phases. Private sessions happen every two weeks. Because this is a customized program I really let my clients guide what kind of support they need. Regardless of what we talk about, clients will leave each session with recommendations for how best to support their body until our next meeting. If there are any questions that come up, I'm accessible for support in between sessions via email.

I'm also exploring the possibility of offering a less intensive version of the program, for women who aren't able to fully commit to 12 weeks or who find that the schedule doesn't work for them.


I would assume a lot of women don’t seek help—medically or from friends and family—after an abortion because it’s still a taboo subject. In fact, I suspect many women think they don’t “deserve” help. What would you like to tell a woman who’s struggling with her post-abortion mind and body?

It's going to be okay, and you're not alone.

The World Health Organization tracks abortions and miscarriages together, and the annual number of these worldwide is more than 40 million - that's more than 125,000 women every single day who find themselves in a similar situation. You're not the only one in this place right now. I can assure you that many of these women feel shame, isolation, and confusion, and that many struggle through this without any support. It doesn't have to be that way.


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Abortion is an extremely controversial subject. I encourage polite, articulate conversation, but inflammatory comments will be deleted.

Other posts about women's health? I've got 'em! How about what it's like to quit hormonal birth control? Plus, what I wish I'd known about miscarriage.


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This Week's Best Stuff on the Internet

Hi from sunny Minneapolis! I think the sun's return, plus me not feeling like crap every day might have something to do with why I'm feeling inspired to write more these days. Hence, the return of This Week's Best Stuff on the Internet. Let's start off withPortlandia's depiction of travel photos vs. what traveling is actually like is pretty spot-on. 
 

You know you should probably be taking vitamins. But which ones? And what time of day shoudl you take them? No worries, get all your answers here.


When it comes to healthy, happiness and longevity, friendships are almost as important as drinking water. Here's why.


So... would you meet Shake Shack millionaire Danny Meyer's hiring criteria? If not, I say you should work on it. 


Thought about this very, very strange food problem as I shoveled pasta covered with vodka sauce and parm into my mouth. 


These boots have changed my life. They literally turn leggings and a sweater into a fashionable outfit (and PS they are on sale). 


And since we're talking about clothes, I bought maternity overalls. Really. 


Lastly, if you were following the story about the weirdest gift I've ever received (spoiler alert: it's a chair with a painting of me and my ex-boyfriend on the seat of a chair), I HAVE AN UPDATE!!!! Read about it here.


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Why Do We Always Think of the Perfect Thing to Say After the Fact

Why do we always think of the perfect thing to say after the fact?

Why do we always think of the perfect thing to say after the fact?


Why do we always think of the perfect thing to say after the fact? 


I've spent the last 72 hours agonizing over this. Like tummy-ache, head in a vice, can't-turn-my-racing-brain-off kind of agonizing. 

It all started with an email. A producer from Minnesota Public Radio asked me if I'd like to be on Kerri Miller's Friday Roundtable discussion. These are where Miller (a beloved radio host with the best voice on the planet) has an hour-long conversation with "three smart people." I've done this show before, and left walking on a cloud of cotton candy and Smarties. Go me! When we recorded this time, I started out as one of these three smart people.


By the end of the conversation, I didn't feel that way. 
 

Our topic was books we’ve lied about reading. The premise: a lot of people have guilt about not reading the classics, or having never read Harry Potter. I loved this idea! I imagined we'd talk about WHY we tell white lies. To sound smart! To fit in! To partake in a lively conversation! Plus, I had a great story about lying about reading the Brother's Karamozov in high school just so I could get a t-shirt for completing the task. 

My fellow roundtablers were Enrique Olivarez Jr., Vice President of Development and Communications at CLUES (Comunidades Latinas Unidas en Servicio), and R. Vincent Moriz Jr., a writer and speaker in the Twin Cities. Both seemed like nice guys, and both are definitely well-read. I knew that within the first three seconds, when Miller asked posed a question about reading books by Minnesota author Louise Erdrich. 


Now, to be clear: neither Olivarez nor Moriz had really read any of Erdrich's books.


But I'm sitting there thinking, Oh $#!&. I don't even know who we're talking about! I had two options: lie and say I knew of her but hadn't read any of her books either, or throw caution to the wind and fess up. I chose the latter, because it was the truth, and I was sure there would be at least one person listening who was like phew! Thank god I'm not the only one who didn't know! 


So I said it: Never heard of her.


I felt no shame in admitting this. After all, I can't change the fact that I'd never come into contact with these books. I was proud of myself for being real.

However, after my admission, something changed. Or at least it did in my head. I felt judged. I felt like Miller thought who in the hell vetted this gal for my show? I may be mistaken, but I can almost swear that later in the hour, when she reintroduced the show, she said "This is the Friday roundtable, where I have an hour-long conversation with what I thought were three smart people." 


This just might be my hormonal, pregnant brain projecting.


But in my mind, that happened. Anyhow, I spent the rest of the hour (the FULL hour!), trying to assert that I indeed did know how to read. As the conversation unfolded, I felt more and more insecure about what I have and have not read. I'm more of a non-fiction gal, and the conversation skewed more toward fiction. The more titles of books I'd never read swirled around my head, the more insecure I became.

I realized half way through that I probably had some major balls for showing up for a discussion about books on a smarty-pants platform like MPR.

I fumbled my way through the rest of the interview (at least, that's what I recall). I admitted to reading all of 50 Shades of Grey! (Whatever, you read it too. E.L. James didn't get rich because that book wasn't popular.) When asked which books I've read lately, I mustered up Station Eleven (a great read!) and then Crazy Rich Asians (!), an addictive beach read about, well, crazy-rich Asians. 
 

As I left the studio, my brain started coming up with all the "right" answers.
 

  • Why didn't I say that I love reading non-fiction because I'm a non-fiction writer myself?
  • Why didn't I say that I love reading essays, memoirs, books about historical events and biographies? I've read all of David Sedaris's books, am obsessed with Anne Lamott, am currently reading Joan Didion, and recently poured over Erik Larson's Devil in the White City and In the Garden of Beasts. All of these are great books, not fluff, and would've made me seem like the smart person they wanted me to be!
  • Why didn't I say that I've been enjoying reading light, fluffy fiction because I'm pregnant and just can't handle reading anything heavy right now? Hormones!
  • Why didn't I say that while I think "required reading" in school is important, I've never had an assigned book resonate with me as much as any book I chose to read?
     

Why, why, why!


Look, I did the best I could. I am convinced that pregnancy brain is a thing, and it does make you forget names of people, places, and yes, books. 

But!

I also realized the my feelings leaving this conversation are exactly why most of us lie about having read certain books. It's because we so often equate being well-read with intelligence. I certainly read a lot, but I read for fun. The people I hang out with don't care what I've read and what I haven't, and that's one of many reasons I love them. I read as an escape, a way to unwind and relax. I am still smart, even if the closest I got to reading the Grapes of Wrath was watching the movie.

I did read East of Eden a few years ago. Well, most of it.


We lie about reading because we don't want to look foolish.  


I left feeling very foolish. At least I can laugh about it. I have laughed about it quite a bit. But if I'm being really honest, I cried once, too. HA!

However, if I recall correctly, I did make one good point: If required reading in school never resonates with a student, there is a good chance they may never pick up a book again. They may think of themselves as a non-reader for life, and that's never good. That's why we really shouldn't shame people for what they haven't read. Instead, let's encourage people, especially young people, to read what they like. Even if it's comic books or thrillers or Crazy Rich Asians. 

As an aside, this ordeal showed me just how much my brain has changed while pregnant. Normally, I'd just let something like this roll off my back, but wow. I'm so much more fragile that I realized! It's a good reminder to be kinder to myself and avoid unnecessarily stressful situations whenever possible.

It'll be interesting to listen to the interview when it airs on MPR (date TBD!). It's probably not as bad as I remember, and hopefully I made a big deal out of nothing. And, fingers crossed, at least one person thought it was funny when I admitted to reading 50 Shades of Grey on public radio.

*** UPDATE: ***
Here's a link to the interview. I haven't had the balls to listen yet!


* * *


Twice a year, I ask friends for book recommendations and they deliver big-time! Here's a list from last summer, and another list from the holidays. Happy reading! 

Oh, and just for fun: here's the last time I felt like I made an ass of myself in a very public forum (aka The Time I Didn't Know I Was Giving a TEDx Talk). I heard from a lot of people after the fact who actually looked me up to say I did a great job... unsolicited! Goes to show you're your own worst critic. 

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